::Help! My body parts are all over malaysia!::

~~Kuala Lumpur-17 may 2007. It has been confirmed that the body parts of Shairahtul Adora Yusof have been found to be spread all over the country. The authorities have only surfaced with this shocking news today, after confirmation from the forensic investigations which was led by the well known CSI-er Gil Gruesome. However, investigations was halted due to Mr. Gil Gruesome's sudden announcement of a sabbatical leave. After one and a half months, a replacement was found in the form of hot(not) Hor-ass-io Caine. With his infinite knowledge, and (almost) psychic intuitions, and wispy gold locks (which disurbingly doesnt seem to gray), and gleaming (yet small) eyes picking up clues and details in helping solve this case (like Lucky and Flo- the all-smelling 'drug' dogs), Hor-ass-io Caine single-handedly(birth defect tsktsk) manouvered this case.

~~It has been confirmed as to the details of the actual whereabouts of the victim' s body parts. (since this isnt your homely, family-rated, U-rated, censored source of news, no horrific/gross/nauseating details will be spared).


~~the first finding was made in Putrajaya. After hours of searching through bushes and trash cans, the police acted upon a tip-off, which stated there was a human body part somewhere in Precint 11, putrajaya. the police started on a precint11-wide search, raiding through houses, cars, freezers, handbags, shoeboxes, pizza boxes, and also coke tins. however, after causing a furious uproar, the police finally found the lips of the victim. The lips of the victim was said to be kept in a suspicious-looking, over-bulging, Liz Claiborne black purse. The lips were said to be cracking a bit, and in a pouting manner, but was fully lip-glossed in Maybelline's lipgloss (which after investigation, was gotten for free at The Curve at a makeup session) combined with a certain chocolatey substance (later found out to be chocolate from the mini-sized Danones cookies) at the corners of the lips. The lips are in good condition though, with traces of many kissing and smooching (the television screen and Astro remote control, it seems), but apart from that, the lips are fine. Before the police left the housing area in precint11, a small girl aged 5 and her retard looking brother aged 16, approached one of the investigation officers, Sara S(igh)dle. they brought information which was weird. They said, the lips were to be exported to Syria at the end of this year, for a wedding ceremony. when pressed further on this piece of information, the 2 kids ran away and took a bus to Alamanda mall to play video games.weird? at least, the mystery of the missing body parts of Shairahtul Adora has been painfully (pun intended)unravelled; there is a syndicate of bodyparts being exported to Syria.


~~the second finding in the mystery of the missing bodyparts of 21-year old Shairahtul Adora, took place in KL, somewhere around the buzzing area of Taman Tun Dr. Ismail (TTDI). Again, it was the police who received a call from a 22-year old student reporting seeing a pair of eyes in his house. When Mr. Hor-ass-io Caine and Ms. Sara S(igh)dle went to the the house, they both eye-balled the eyeballs for a few seconds, before realising that a big crowd had gathered at the huge garden of the 22-year old's house. When questioned, the witness said he was watching Star Wars Episode 6:Return of the Jedi with his mother, when suddenly the pair of eyes came rolling down the stairs. (after much tiring questioning, the crowd which had gathered in the garden are the witness' friends since childhood with animal-like names ie Bear). Upon report, it was known that the pair of eyes kept on watching the movie,(not blinking though) as the witness and his mother and his friends were questioned. The pair of eyes, which were carefully picked up and cased in a cooler case, was brought to the lab, for further investigations. however, there werent much damage to the eyes, except for the stress signs due to excessive television-watching (most probably due to the ending of football seasons and tennis masters and french open). Before Ms. Sara S(igh)dle left the house, the witness (whom cannot be named) gave his number to her (and winked), and also mentioned something about the rumours of the eyes being exported to Indonesia to join a band and be the lead singer(huh??). At this point, the authorities are confused whether this syndicate is heading towards to Syria or Indonesia.

~~3 weeks ago, the city of Johor Baru (JB) was given a scare, when it was reported by a few City Council employees that they had chanced upon 2 legs walking (or more like brisk-walking cum jogging, said the eye-witnesses) down the aisle, towards the canteen, around tea time. it was said that the legs stood for quite some time in front of the keropok lekor stall, pacing in front of the hot , crispy keropok lekor. however, after realising that 'it' couldnt purchase any, the legs left, in somewhat slow and sad strides. After following the legs walking around, Mr. Hor-ass-io Caine finally cornered it in a famed bookstore 'border'-ing cultural phenomenon, at the International cuisine & Expatriates section. Right at the same time Mr. Hor-ass-io Caine was hovering around with his arms stretched wide, as if blocking the legs from escaping, a deep, crisp, sharp-sounding voice came from behind him, belting out a sarcastic warning in sing-song manner. it said, "dude, pick legs your size!" When Mr. Hor-ass-io Caine turned around, he was shocked to see on the floor, a ripped and large mouth, looking very ugly, dripping with blood and out-of place (so to speak) balancing itself up on the parquet floor of the bookstore. After many insulting and sarcastic remarks flying across the room, with the pair of legs itself trying to give some flying kicks (to no avail because they couldnt see all that well), both body parts succumbed to ultimately intensifying locked stares Mr. Hor-ass-io was giving them, and both body parts were packed in coolers. Right before they left, Mr.Hor-ass-io Caine was stopped by one boring(yes boring, not bored) looking civil servant, who passed on an information which was as puzzling as this whole mystery! The man said that while he was in the toilet, reading an Archie's comic, he heard 2 men talking about "...the legs are goin' to UK and the mouth can go to Korea to dance in the 'Rain' for all i care man..." in a sinister and twisted way. Then the man walked away quickly and dissappeared into the crowd of the punctual-civil servant lunchgoers and 'Amarte Asi' fans. Mr. Hor-ass-io Caine and Ms. Sara S(igh)dle stood rooted in the middle of the City Council building, holding on to the 2 coolers, in the midst of the sea of curious faces. Where is the destination of this syndicate? Syria, Indonesia, UK, or Korea?



~~the latest update was, surprisingly, not of a finding of a body part. Instead it was only an item belonging to the victim Shairahtul Adora. This time around, the investigating team was taken up till Batu Gajah, Perak. At first some of the investigating officers havent even heard of this place. They thought that this place is somewhere in the deep ends of of a rainforest, where the elephants live. Although there were rumours going around that civilization and technology has yet to stop by the area and wave its magic wand (some of the people even claim that the paper, The Sun is not even distributed there, and that there isnt a Manfattan Fish Market over there). But rest assured, the investigating team found Mcdonalds in many nearby areas. After receiving complaints of sightings of UFO(unidentified freaky objects), the team finally spotted the object after the 3rd night camping in the area, coincidentally (or not?) on a full-moon night. it was a flying spaceship (no), a flying cow (no), a flying netball (no), a flying dunkindoughnut (no), it was a flying...astro dish!! shockingly, the astro dish was hovering over some houses (probably to give reception maybe?*shrugs*) with its wires hanging loosely, swaying to the lullabying winds of the night. it was flying low and it was flying slow. so Mr. Hor-ass-io Caine himself jumped (like about to shoot a 3pointer *smirks*) and caught the astro dish by its wires. It gave in without a fight, and the officers immediately bubble-wrapped the astro dish, and playfully rolling the astro dish in the case(pop-pop-pop ;p). Ms. Sara S(igh)dle asked around the neighbourhood, and gathered some information. She found out that whenever the astro dish was hovering over the houses, their televisions would automatically switch to the CNN channel or sometimes change to channel 15 to broadcast the akademi fantasia concerts(WHY?!?). Suddenly, a (so-so) chinese-looking guy whom introduced himself as Ba (the 2nd letter of the Jawi alphabets), said when the astro dish interrupted him watching channel E!Style star:Johnny Depp, it changed to channel 11 travel&living, showing beautiful carpet factories in Bangladesh, then quickly changed to Channel15, which was showing Jimmy Shanley hosting an episode of Trek Selebriti (Was the astro dish trying to track a celebrity in bangladesh?*puzzled*) while Ms. Sara S(igh)dle was taking notes, she noticed Ba standing in 'manly' poses, sometimes glancing at her sideways, with a 'im-sexy' kinda pout. She walked away immediately. In the end, before returning to the HQ in KL, again the team was totally blown away. Where will it be? Syria? Indonesia? UK? Korea? or Bangladesh?

~~As the whole CSI team sat at the round table, accompanied with styrofoams of nasi bungkus and cups of teh tarik and tea 'o' ais, having a discussion well in the their 14th hour straight, it dawned on them, that maybe, just maybe, this whole episode was not a crime of heinous violence and revenge. It might have been a crime of passion. A deep burning penetrating love for the victim. As it turns out, all the locations where the bodyparts were found, have been identified as places close to the victim's heart. In fact, in the victim's diary, she had mentioned these places with such emotional attachments.

~~Unfortunately, up until now, there seems to be no progress as no further information has been acquired. The CSI team has come forward and announced to the public that if anyone has any information or connections to the case or victim, to contact any police stations or McDonalds nearby. These 2 bodies are involved in this investigation because of the severity of this case. (The police want to protect the society from such syndicate. And McDonalds is doing this because the victim is an executive VIP patron of theirs). The rewards for those who can provide useful information are McDonalds vouchers worth RM300 and a big, shiny medal from the police force.

~~As of now, no one has come forward with any useful information, even with the lucrative rewards, which are usually sought-after by Malaysians. However, the authorities hope that the public who have actual knowledge will (and should) come forward as soon as possible, so as to solve this disturbing mystery...

~~We thrive on mysteries. Stay tuned for more news!:)